I had a full weekend...worked a lot, prepared classes, visited people, had pizza..all nice things..by the way.. I really enjoyed the pizza party...then I spent all Sunday long working.....and just now I noticed I didn't have time to be on my own...I was all the weekend annoyed, nervous.....and only now could I figure out what was really going on.....simple...and complex at the same time..I just don't have time to stay alone...only with me..and when I have I'm sleeping....that's funny. and it's all my fault..I get to many things to do...I mean...work and study....and then I don't have time to read exactly what I feel like...without any worry about a paper or whatever..os listen to some music..oh, man...I miss it....
I had to stop and have dinner...so I watched some Tv..and there was King Arthur on TV...I like this movie...and whenever I watch something related to British history I feel like studying more about it...I get all that excitment.."oh, let's buy a book about their history to know exactly what happened" "oh, I want to study History, but now EAD"...I do like these things..but somehow..I lose all the enthusiasm....or I leave it behind...because I have another thing to do...a paper to correct, a text to prepare a presentation..a class to prepare...and although I also like these things...I'm getting tired of not arranging some time for researching what I feel like..just because I want to know....and then the desire hibernates till I watch a piece of something else..or try to start reading a book about it...like the ones from Cornwell....I got all of them...The Saxon Tales..and I could read only one...and I already have others to read...and they're just there..sitting..waiting...hibernating ...with all their amazing stories and fantasies......
and it's all about me to change.....I KNOW.....and this writing is getting nonsensical....
I stayed so much time like this..stuck in this "mud"...that now I get to anxious...I want the changes nooow!...
"They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." Andy Warhol
See..My reasoning is aware of it..but my sensibility (is this right?) wants the change now...no time.....but I'm still kinda lost in the middle of everything.......and I guess this writing shows it...
it feels good expressing it, though...showing myself I have the rgith to feel and to express feelings!!
it feels good expressing it, though...showing myself I have the rgith to feel and to express feelings!!
2 comments:
Bi, you´re young enough to make a lot of changes. And they´ll happen. Many of them have already happened. Have you noticed? You´re a brave woman. You´ll go far. :-)
Thanks, Lu! I'm too anxious for the changes, I guess...that's why I get confused..but you're right..some of them happened already..and good ones! Thanks again! ;P
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